falling

today i am not going to talk abt what i did for the day but feelings-
missing one that you have known for 10 years/falling for the other but you don't know whether his feelings are true because you only believe his eyes tells everything it is true or false/feeling that the whole world is just looking at you like you are some kinda person that do not know how to dress up and you are a bitch/feeling stupid and slow because you already finshed your secondary school life and your piano grade is only at 2-3 and many think that you can't find a good job and you grapple to prove them wrong/your parents love you lotsa and you do have many happie and wonderful time with them but you feel that they are drifting further and further away from each other/your little brother whose always your playmate is closer to the maid and sharing all everything with her while you just sit there and watch like a goosebeerry bump/your maid is the person whom you shared almost ALL the problems you are having and help you solve them and advised you but she is like taking everything that you have and she is like taking control of the household/some family members think you are only a burden to the family and play jokes on how much you are worth(your life has only a worth of 10 bucks)/friends in school are not talking to you because you are hanging up with someone they do not like/friends in school also call you when they need you and when they don't they even give a damn for that you pull yourself away for abt a month or more to undergo a change and after the change you felt that your choatic life was going to be better but no.more and more things come in your way and you do not know how to deal with them/you have not been attending church because you can't feel the connection with the people and most importantly GOD but you have been reading storybook on how GOD touched their life/there's so much you want and do but you have so little time and at times you feel that you are already so blessed because people in AFRICA AND OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD do not even have a shelter for rain.a comfortable bed to sleep in.having abt 3 to 4 meals a day.having fun in so many ways.but you are still not content with this.you want more like more clothes.bags.slippers.mp3s.handphones.but you know,YOU KNOW that you are SO MUCH MORE LUCKIER THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE IN OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD.but why are you not content with all this why??WHY???
you are falling into bits and pieces`can you survive this??
runaway or stay and on with all these crap??